The FAKE OUT SYNDROME: Self Sabotage Series #2

Last week I wrote to you about self sabotage and how important it is for us to understand how and why these destructive patterns keep us from truly living in Joy and expanding to achieve all we can.
In last weeks article I told you basically WHY we have patterns of self sabotage. The main reason is that we humans have an innate need for congruency. That means that if what we say and what we truly believe do not match, then what we truly believe will ALWAYS win. So, if you are saying “I want success” however in the deepest part of you you have a belief that says “I’m afraid and everyone will find out I’m a fake” you will live up to the “I’m a fake” belief. In psychology this is called “cognitive dissonance” in reality it is played out by self sabotaging behaviors eg;

• Eating too much when you say you want to lose weight.
• Lashing out in anger at a lover when you claim you want love.
• Not finishing or ignoring work, when you say you want your business to be successful.
• And on and on...

All of the forms that self sabotage can take, are keeping you stuck. They are keeping you on a rat race of trying to find motivation and inspiration constantly. They are keeping you from living the life that you know you could be having.

In my opinion, if you truly want to grow, expand, have real Joy and make a real difference in your life and the world, you must understand the process of your own self sabotage.
Today, I want to talk with you more specially about what I just touched on, which i call:
The Fake Out Syndrome
The Fake Out is something I see all the time with the people I work with. We begin working on what they say they want. It could be their spiritual enlightenment. It could be finally having that business they have dreamed of for years. It could be attracting a beautiful relationship. It could be breaking into a different economic strata. Or just about anything that requires them to grow and stretch.
All of these are fine and very achievable goals. All of these are things that people all around the world are doing and succeeding at every day. So, why is it when it comes to some people, they can’t achieve these things?

As I’ve said, I see this in my work all the time. What happens is that on a conscious level they state their goals to me. We refine them and then, together we begin to create the path to achieving these goals. Here is what happens. They start taking the actions we have set up. They begin to do the things that we come up with to get the result. They do it for a while. I support them when it gets tough. They do a little more. I support them in being flexible on their way to attracting the goal. They start to become more resistant. I sense that they are not keeping up with their action plan.

We talk. I ask why they aren’t doing the things we laid out? They almost always say, (and this is crucial) “I don’t know why”. The truth is that they actually do know, but they need help finding out why. I coach them through it. We dig deep and then we find out that it’s The Fake Out syndrome. I know this because they begin to say things like:

• “The pathway to Enlightenment is long and hard”
• “Will anyone buy my stuff?”
• “Rich people live in another world than I do.”
• “There are so few really great relationships.”

We dig deeper...I tell them that all those things could or couldn’t be true, but what does that have to do WITH YOU? And the answer is always something around the fact that in some form or another they will feel “like a fake”. AHA! There it is:
The Fake Out Syndrome.

If you feel like you are a fake, then why even try? So, the mind will use this as a way OUT... Why don’t you just give up now and Fake OUT of it?

• If I get OUT now, then no one will discover that at my core I’m really a “poor” person.
• If I get OUT now, people won’t discover I’m horrible at business. If I get OUT now, I’ll save my partner from finding out who I REALLY am.
• If I get OUT now then I won’t have to deal with the criticism that I’m A FAKE.

Sound familiar to you maybe?
You may have heard about the phrase:
“Fake it, till you make it”
Many times this is used to overcome deep negative beliefs about what you are capable of. The problem with that is 2 things;

1. No matter how much you try to ACT like something you are not, the more you are in a state of resistance and resistance never works.
2. It sets up very destructive patterns where you loose track of who you truly are (If you ever knew in the first place) AND sets up the unconscious signal to yourself that you are a LIAR.

As I’ve said I’ve seen The Fake OUT syndrome over and over. The obvious solution to The Fake Out syndrome is to truly know and believe in yourself as you grow and BECOME the new version of yourself that has all those things you desire in your life.

THIS is where the work comes in. The WORK traditionally is based on the ACTIONS you are taking. But that is “putting the cart before the horse” as they say. BUT, when you truly KNOW that you are:

• Capable
• Lovable
• Resilient
• Strong
• Smart
• etc...

THEN the actions are much easier. They stop feeling like, what I always say, “pushing rock up hill”.
Then the actions feel exciting. Then the actions, even if if they are challenging, feel as if they are stepping stones to your new expanded life. They can even feel fun and energizing! They align with what you KNOW you are.
Remember congruency...? It is THEN when you you conquer
The Fake Out Syndrome.

Thanks for spending your time on yourself with me and if you would like to book a time to talk with me, so I can help you with your self sabotaging behaviors just CLICK HERE
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